Purpose

1:1s are your most important management tool, but most are wasted on status updates. This skill helps you build a system for 1:1s that build relationships, surface problems early, and develop your team members.

When to Use

Use this Skill when you need to:

Set up 1:1s with a new team
Fix unproductive or awkward 1:1s
Prepare for a specific difficult 1:1
Build a consistent 1:1 practice

Step-by-Step Process

Step 1: Assess Current State

Understand what is happening now.

Ask these questions:

"How do your current 1:1s typically go?"
"What percentage is status updates vs everything else?"
"Do team members bring topics or wait for you?"
"What do you wish happened in 1:1s that does not?"

Common 1:1 anti-patterns:

The Status Update: Just project updates, no real talk
The Complaint Box: Endless venting with no action
The Silent Treatment: Awkward, nothing to discuss
The Advice Column: You talk, they listen

Output Variable: current_state

Step 2: Define Your 1:1 Philosophy

What are 1:1s FOR?

Core principle: 1:1s are THEIR meeting, not yours.

Purposes of a good 1:1:

Build relationship and trust
Surface problems before they explode
Coach and develop
Give and receive feedback
Discuss career and growth

NOT for:

Status updates (use async)
Tasks you could Slack
Group decisions (wrong forum)

Decide: "What do you want 1:1s to accomplish?"

Output Variable: one_on_one_philosophy

Step 3: Design the Structure

Build a consistent format.

Recommended 30-min structure:

First 10 min: Their topics (they go first, always)
Middle 10 min: Your topics or coaching
Last 10 min: Development/career/feedback

Recommended 45-min structure:

First 15 min: Their topics
Middle 15 min: Dig deeper on one topic
Last 15 min: Development + feedback

Cadence:

Weekly for new reports or struggling performers
Bi-weekly for established, high performers
Never less than bi-weekly

Output Variable: meeting_structure

Step 4: Build Your Question Bank

Great questions unlock real conversations.

Opening questions:

"What is on your mind?"
"What is the most important thing we should talk about today?"
"How are you feeling about work right now?"

Digging deeper:

"Tell me more about that."
"What have you tried?"
"What is the real challenge here for you?"
"What would you do if you were me?"

Development questions:

"What is something you want to get better at?"
"What would make this job more interesting for you?"
"Where do you want to be in a year?"

Feedback questions:

"What could I do differently to support you?"
"Is there anything I am doing that is not helpful?"
"What is one thing I should know that I might not?"

Output Variable: question_bank

Step 5: Create Pre-Work System

Make them bring topics (do not carry the meeting yourself).

Shared doc structure:

[Name] + [Manager] 1:1 Notes
---
Next meeting: [date]

[Name] topics:
-

[Manager] topics:
-

Notes:
-

Action items:
- [ ]

The rule: They add topics before the meeting. If they do not, start with "What is most important today?" - do not fill the void with your topics.

Output Variable: pre_work_system

Step 6: Plan for Difficult 1:1 Scenarios

Prepare for the hard ones.

The quiet person:

Ask specific questions, not open-ended
Use silence (let them fill it)
Try walking 1:1s or different format

The venter:

Acknowledge, then redirect: "I hear you. What can we do about it?"
Set a boundary: "Let us spend 5 min on this, then move to solutions"

The always-fine person:

"What is your biggest worry right now?"
"If something were wrong, would you tell me?"
"What is 10% less fine than you are saying?"

The combative person:

Stay calm, do not match energy
"Help me understand your perspective"
Address the pattern: "I have noticed our 1:1s feel tense. What is going on?"

Output Variable: difficult_scenarios

Step 7: Generate 1:1 System

Create your complete 1:1 package.

Create a document titled "1:1 System for [Your Name]" with everything you need.

Output Format